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Want to feel like a loser? There's an app for that.

Last week, my RT colleague Jeremy Hagen shared his thoughts about a new online effort by Ultimat Vodka, a Facebook app called the Social Life Audit. Now, it's my turn. If you're not familiar, it's an app that analyzes your real social life based on your Facebook persona. Problem is, it doesn't just analyze, it judges.

Overachiever Jeremy scored an impressive 10,575, I FAILED with a pathetic 1,125. (That's just how it broke the news to me-in all caps surrounded by a red box.) Ouch. Good thing 20 years in advertising have helped me to develop a somewhat thick skin. Yes, Jeremy is indeed 9.4 times cooler than I am. This should surprise no one. Yet somehow, the Audit left us both feeling like losers.

While it was fun and engaging, my main issue with the Social Life Audit, besides the clinical sounding name, is that like eHarmony and other online marketers, it ignores 7-10% of their potential audience. It faults me for the fact that only 25% of my Facebook friends are male. But, as a lesbian, that should up my social cred exponentially. So who's the real player, Jeremy? Audit tells me I have great "Hookup Potential", as 60% of my friends are single. I, however, am not. Apparently, the all-knowing Audit doesn't factor in your relationship status. Or perhaps it just doesn't care, like that crazy girl at the bar who's always trying to stir things up just because she can.

My favorite check-in spots, like the symphony and the gym, rate me a big goose egg when it comes to Trendiness. However, enough of my friends have liked my check-ins to earn me a 92% Approval Rating. And apparently 81% of the people who hang out with me have a good time. Run and tell that, Jeremy.

Beyond the viral effect I'm sure they're hoping for, I have to wonder what Ultimat Vodka is getting from this investment. None of my friends have tried it, although three did come to my defense on its dismal assessment of my personal life. (Thanks for having my back, Kat, Denise, and Heidi.) The branding is so minimal as to be almost non-existent. You'd think at least they would end it with a link to their website, or drink recipes to share with your friends no matter how uncool they are. I'm sure I'll be receiving something soon from Ultimat Vodka. If not, it's an opportunity wasted.

Then again, I never really liked vodka anyway.